


Far Too Young to Die

by HerSistersKeeper



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Badass Rey, Dark, Dark Rey, Dark Side Rey, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Forced Bonding, I started this as porn and it turned into an actual story, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Protective Kylo Ren, Redemption, The Dark Side of the Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-05-19 22:37:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5983015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerSistersKeeper/pseuds/HerSistersKeeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Fixation or psychosis? Devoted to neurosis now" Kylo and Rey explore the tension between them. (Song referenced is Panic! at the Disco's "Far Too Young to Die".) Reylo. Read, Review, and share with your fellow shippers! (Was one-shot, now multi-chapter fic. Rated for smut and emotional situations.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This started off as simply an experiment in sexual tension, based on a song by Panic! At the Disco, but then it became so much more than that. In keeping with the theme of naming chapters after p!atd songs, there's a soundtrack to listen to while reading, if you so desire. If not, that's fine too! Thanks so much!

_I never so adored you  
I'm twisting allegories now_

Their fights always ended like this.

Lightsabers tossed aside.

Rey's back pressed to the wall, the cold metal trying to cool her skin as it threatens to burn through her shirt, her body practically sizzling as he presses his against her.

Kylo's hand on her chin, holding her wrist down with the other one, leaving his body to still her as she tries to escape, pressing into her with a feral gaze.

This was a common dance of theirs, and they never finished with the steps.

_I want to complicate you  
Don't let me do this to myself_

Rey swore that she wanted to melt. His eyes were bearing down on her, and she avoided his stare, knowing that if she looked, she would lose. She was already failing to keep him out of her head, He was spamming her mind with images that caused blood to rise to her cheeks. She didn't want to think of him like that. She panted, trying to ignore how he rocked against her to try to keep her secure against the wall.

Kylo could feel her struggling to hold on. He was struggling to hold back. He pressed into her harder, growling as a whine escaped her lips. The sound intoxicated him, and he was tempted to see if he could taste the sound on his tongue. Kylo held back the urge, instead leaning forward to nip her ear, laving the injury with his tongue. He noticed that her defenses were down- her mind for the taking.

"Don't. Please." He looked at her now, and this time, she met his gaze.

_I'm chasing roller coasters_ _  
_ _I've got to have you closer now_

Kylo was taken aback by how dark her hazel eyes were, and he let her hand slip away from his grasp. He expected her to attempt escaping- but he felt fingers twining in his hair. She yanked him forward so that his forehead was flush against hers.

"I don't know what is happening to me." Rey moaned, feeling his head dip so that his lips could tease her neck. She felt feverish as Kylo shifted into her again, gasping at the feeling, then immediately feeling ashamed. Rey felt sick- she hadn't felt like this, never felt like this when she was away from him.

For other men- Poe, Finn, Master Skywalker—she only felt compassion; they were her family.

Kylo was most definitely not.

_Endless romantic stories_ _  
_ _You never could control me_

Kylo smirked at Rey's conflicted face. He was particularly proud that he was provoking such a response from her, though anger flashed through him when he saw her think of the pilot and the traitor, no matter how fleeting of a thought.

"They've never made you feel like this." Kylo emphasized the statement with a well placed grind that had Rey throwing her head back against the wall, biting her lip. "Only me. Isn't that right, Rey? Only me."

The Jedi looked at her opposing Sith, and saw pleading in his obsidian eyes. _Please, say it's only been me._

"Only you." She gasped out the phrase as he latched onto her neck, intent on leaving a mark. "Only you."

He was scorching underneath her, and she wasn't completely sure when her legs had wrapped around his hips, but she was glad for some semblance of control. She moved slightly, and Kylo seemed ready to choke with surprise at her responding. She smiled back at him, repeating her motion, smile growing wider as a strangled groan left his lips.

_Well, I never really thought that you'd come tonight_ _  
_ _When the crown hangs heavy on either side_ _  
_ _Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die_

She didn't know whether to hate him or to want him. Rey decided that now wasn't the time to think about it, kissing the tip of the scar that she gave him as if that was her way of telling Kylo about her indecision. He reached up, cupping her head so that their lips could crash together as he pulled her face to his.

That is, until Kylo was shot from behind.

"Rey!" Finn called out, running to her with Chewbacca at his side, holstering his crossbow. Rey wasn't focusing on her rescue party as much as she was on Kylo, who took her down with him as he crumpled. Finn stopped short, saw the look in her eyes- desperate, scared- and groaned internally with disgust at his next words.

"We're taking him with us." He signalled to Chewie to pick up the fallen Sith, who was grunting in pain, wondering when the Resistance would stop shooting him with that damn crossbow. He caught Rey's eyes, asking for permission to enter her mind for but a moment. She was tidying herself, wondering if her swollen lips gave her away, but granted his request.

'Later. We'll finish this later.'

'I doubt that they allow conjugal visits in Resistance holding cells.' She replied cheekily, but still she trembled and flushed at the thought, Kylo practically smirking at her despite the pain as the group made a hasty retreat.

Rey wasn't sure if she should be worried about her feelings for Kylo on the whole, or she should be more focused on emotions as her downfall as a Jedi, but she couldn't stop herself from smiling to herself as she felt the burn of Kylo's mark on her neck.


	2. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut in this chapter. Just a quick warning.

Her blankets were on the floor again.

Rey sighed, wondering when the day would come that she would not overheat as she slept, getting up out of bed to retrieve her sheets. It was the usual time for this kind of thing- just an hour or two past midnight, when the Base was quiet.

She heard him before she saw him. She hadn't expected him to come to her, but there he was, whispering her name, making her question her sanity.

Rey felt herself shiver before realizing Kylo was behind her, sliding his arms around her waist, pulling her back against his groin, burying his moan in her hair. She gulped as his hand snaked down between her legs.

"How are you out?" She almost didn't care about the answer, especially as he teased her through her clothes, but he was here, in her personal quarters, without guards to keep an eye on him.

"They let me out for good behavior." He smirked into her shoulder, pulling a straight face when she turned back to look at him, eyebrow raised before she snorted with laughter. A smile cracked his lips, growing wider as Rey leaned up to catch his mouth with hers, turning to face him.

"They'll notice you missing."

"I don't particularly care at the moment." Kylo indulged himself with her kisses, his touch searing and harsh against her mouth. He pushed aside the sentimental feelings that washed over him when Rey looked up at him, lips swollen and almost bruised by his ferocious kisses. He couldn't deny how much he wanted her though, leaning down to kiss her again.

Rey could feel his impatience both by how his lips molded with hers, eventually trailing down her neck, and by how his hard insistent length that he was grinding into her. Her breathing was ragged, and her knees nearly buckled when his hand slipped into her pants now.

She couldn't bear waiting anymore, pulling him down to the floor now, rolling on top of him. Kylo was gripping her hips tightly, and despite her having the upperhand, he controlled her movements, leaving her whimpering as he ground into her hard but sweet.

"Your shirt. Take it off."

Rey's fingers trembled as she grabbed the hem, lifting the garment over her head, trying not to focus on how hot her skin felt, how cold the air was. She looked Kylo full in the face, hoping for approval from her enemy.

His smirk seemed to confirm that hope, his eyes darker now as he flipped them over, being sure to do so gently, depositing Rey onto her pile of blankets. Kylo couldn't help but smile at her as she reached for his shirt. He saw her struggling inside- mind against body. Kylo took her face into his hands. "It doesn't have to be right. Or wrong. It can just be." He dropped a kiss onto her collarbone, journeying to the dip between her breasts.

"You're beautiful."

Rey was stunned, trying to focus on how he nipping at her skin, letting out a guttaral groan when he took a nipple into his mouth, scrapping his teeth against it as his hands fiddled with her pants. Anything besides the fact that this Sith just complimented her. "Are you...going to make love to me?"

She hoped not, almost relieved, almost put off when he chuckled darkly.

"There is no love between us to make, Rey." He punctuated this with a hard bite on her hip, laving the wound with his tongue. Kylo hadn't failed to notice how she had gasped, her bucking. He rested on his elbows, hovering above Rey, dragging a finger down her torso, digit hooking onto her simple pants and underwear, and suddenly she was exposed to the cold night air.

Rey shuddered, trying to avoid his eyes, feeling that sickness again. She didn't know what it was about him, but there he was, kissing down her chest, trailing a tongue along her stomach and down between her legs.

'Oh Gods!' She screamed in her head, clamping hands down on her face to quiet herself. She didn't need Finn or Poe busting the door down to find Kylo Ren fucking her senseless with his tongue.

She moaned, surprised. Make that with his finger, too.

Kylo was simpering into her heat, arm across her hips to still her. He let out a groan, the noise being coaxed out thanks to her taste, her scent, and her harsh grip on his hair. He looked up at her, finding her eyes fastened on him. The look of her, naked, eyes wide and hair down, coming undone because of him, made him groan again, attaching his lips to her clit with a fervor. Rey whined, pleading.

"Please. Kylo. Kylo, please. I need you to fuck me."

She ignored how she trembled when his pants were pooled around his ankles, surprised at his large size. She set her jaw. If she was to lose her virginity, Rey decided, now, to him, was as good as- no, better than- anything else.

Thus she found herself digging her nails into her enemy's shoulders, her legs hooked together around his waist as he fucked her into the floor. She gasped as he moved in her, mewling as he hit that spot inside her that shot sparks behind her eyes. He loved how she felt around him, a fusing with her. Their climax elicited a strangled moan from his lips, a cry issuing from Rey as he spilled into her, taking her over the edge.

In the aftermath, Rey traced Kylo's scar. "Thank you... for being gentle." It hadn't hurt her, and she wondered if it had to do with the bond of theirs, or if it had been luck.

Kylo snorted, thinking she was being ironic in her statement, before catching her eye. "I was your first."

She nodded, adding, "I thought you realized."

He stood, beginning to dress, back to her. "No."

Rey thought of how they had rocked together, how his forehead had pressed against hers as they coupled. She was so sure that he had known. But now as he strode to the door, tears were collecting. "You thought I was loose."

Kylo said nothing, not looking at her, refusing to open his mind.

He could feel the shudder that wracked her frame as she dropped her head unto the blankets, angry tears dripping as they burned her cheeks.

"Get out." She heard the door shut, and she screamed into the void between them. _I hate you, Kylo Ren._

Now as she tried to drift to sleep, her heard him answer, quietly, "I know."


	3. Trade Mistakes

She had been trying to forget him.

Rey stared at Kylo through the mirrored glass, knowing that he felt her presence on the other side. He didn't make any move to confirm, staring at the cell's door instead. She had been observing him for the past five minutes, debating her next move, and yet his eyes—sunken in and dark with a lack of sleep- hadn't flickered from the door.

"Rey, are you going to come in or not?"

His words made her jump, and he only sighed, turning away from the door. Kylo was exhausted from waiting for her these past few days. He hoped that she realized what she had done to him in her absence as he rubbed his eyes. She had plagued his minutes, a barrage of rage, grief and replays of their night together descending on him like a vengeful mob, even while she slept and trained. He didn't turn his head when the cell door opened and Rey stepped into his space.

"Have they been treating you well?" Her words were quiet, and attempting to be civil. Kylo barked out a laugh- she didn't think his condition was her fault, thought that his guards had been mistreating him. His heart squeezed violently for a moment- even in her anger, she was concerned. Still, he answered surlily:

"I'm the son of the Resistance's general. No matter how disappointed she is with me, though everyone here despises me, I'm treated like a prince." He punctuated this with a violent flop onto his mattress. The admission brought him no joy, Rey could tell as he slumped against the wall.

"It's odd to see you in something other than black." She blurted out, wincing when his gaze snapped to her, fixated. He looked down at the gray prison uniform he wore.

"Your master had made sure my clothes were destroyed and replaced. Probably didn't want me to taint his star pupil when she came to visit." His words stung, but his eyes were pleading with her again.

"Do you know what you've done, Rey?" Kylo crossed the room to her now, so close, but not touching. He looked too wary to cross the final foot of air to her.

She ignored his words, and wished that her body would do the same as guilt snapped at her heartstrings.

"You thought I was loose." She accused him again.

"No. I thought you were experienced. I didn't expect someone like you would give up their purity to someone like me."

"Well then, don't you feel flattered?" Rey spat angrily, hoping venom would hide shock as he shook his head, shrugging before changing the subject:

"You've been training."

"Yes. I needed release. I am still angry with you, Kylo."

"Be that as it may, your master must sense what we've done."

She blinked, eyebrows furrowing. "No."

His eyebrow raised. "Who was it that had you visit me today?"

Rey's confidence shrunk a bit more. "Oh."

Kylo nodded, adding, "I can't say that I'm surprised that he knows. You've made it rather obvious to anyone attuned to the Force."

"What?" She sputtered. He tapped his finger against his temple, signaling that her thoughts had been rather loud, but her mind shot back to how he had used that finger the other night. He now winced.

"You need to stop doing that."

Rey flushed for a moment, before becoming peturbed. "You shouldn't be able to know what I'm thinking." She had been practicing putting up barrier's around her mind.

Kylo sighed, glaring at her now. "I can't help it. Since we've bonded with our bodies, our bond within the Force has only strengthened." He closed his eyes, turning away from her, thinking of all the insults she had screamed at him in her wrath the day after he had deflowered her. Rey could feel the anguish rolling off him.

"Every thought, every feeling, every sensation, Rey. You've put me through hell."

She shuddered now, becoming so very aware of how his mind now cried out.

"I didn't know." She said feebly.

"You've been too angry to notice." He turned back, studied her for a moment, approaching her again. Hesitantly, he reached out, cupped her cheek.

"Search my mind."

"What?" Rey tried to retreat, but he pressed their faces closer.

"You think I was trying to corrupt you. That the action was to drag you to my side." He shook his head. "Though you gave into your urges, didn't think of the consequences, that was not my intention. Before, perhaps. But after being away from my master for this long... it wasn't my intention."

Rey wasn't sure, but as he closed his eyes, she decided to try, taking his face in her hands and concentrating.

There was darkness in his mind at first, and she was worried that he had lied to her. But then there was light.

She could see his sleepless nights, how he had returned to his cell that night and had attempted to trash it, bare hands stripped raw from how the metal bedsprings had lacerated apart his hands as he attempted to mangle something—anything- in his grief and rage, in his guilt. She saw him attempt crafting apologies, try to work up the nerve to ask Finn to take them to her, losing that nerve whenever her friend was the posted guard.

She couldn't go on, releasing his head, shuddering. Kylo dragged himself away from her, looking drained.

Rey stumbled away from him, towards the door. She caught the handle, steadied herself. There was no way that they could meet each other eyes.

"I forgive you."

She only could choke that out before letting herself out.

 

Later, in her room, Rey closed her eyes. _Come to me tonight._

And Kylo did, abashed but obedient. She pulled him into the bed, allowed his long fingers to undress her. When it came time for him to enter her, he did so from behind, neither ready to look at each other still.

There were no kisses- only the one that Kylo pressed against her brow as he got up to leave.

"Wait." He paused, and so did she, both curious what would pass in the air between them. "Stay with me. You can leave before your guard wakes up." She realized that it wouldn't be long, but she was sure that he could make it back in time.

He slid back into bed with her, trying not to smile when she asked, "How do you get out?"

"I usually just have the guard let me out. He doesn't mind." He heard her snort, tried to ignore how she snuggled closer to him.

That night, he slept.


	4. Casual Affair

"Tell me about Jakku."

Rey paused, considered ignoring Kylo's words as he traced a finger along her spine. They were in bed again, and her hair was splayed out across her back, snarled a bit from where it had fallen, tangled, out of her hair ties. She sighed, remembering how the slight pain had made her pleasure that much sharper, and she wasn't sure if she had scolded her lover for the rough yank on her hair.

"Rey."

Kylo knew that she wasn't ignoring him- perhaps a bit, but not intentionally. He saw the gears twirling in her head, her brow furrowing, the look that he knew was her "deciding" look. Kylo would never admit it, but he had become an expert at Rey's face - _and her body_ , the lewd part of his brain supplied, making him smirk.

"If I tell you about Jakku, tell me about Ben."

Rey heard his hiss, his jaw clenching. She now ignored his glare, shrugging him off and sitting up. "Okay then. If you don't talk, I won't talk." The girl was sure to keep her shoulders squared, so that it appeared to him that she was just being difficult, not evading the subject that stung her now, her heart burning hotter than the sand of her one-time home.

She didn't expect him to sit up, to wrap his arms lightly around her waist, bare skin touching. She waited for him to roll her over, to try some attempt at fucking to distract her- she'd allow it, something so that she wouldn't think of who she once was, who she'd never be.

Kylo didn't, pulling her hair back, pulling her against him tighter so that he could tip her head back to look at him. She allowed him into her mind, and he nearly shrunk back by how red and blue the thoughts were. He swallowed thickly, murmuring an apology.

Rey didn't expect this, and perhaps it was because of this did she turn into him, kissing him fiercely. Now he laid on his back, eyes wide, lips bruised as her hand wrapped around his shaft, his cock responding to her touch

"I'll answer your question."

Kylo groaned as he felt her hot breath fan out across his skin, and he had to struggle with himself before he pulled her away from his length. She looked hurt for a moment, calming when he explained, "We don't have enough time for that." He looked genuinely sorry, and she wondered where the villain she had fought time and again was.

"There is still darkness in me." He raised an eyebrow at her when she snorted, his frown deepening when she shook her head.

"No. There is only a tinge left. You're coming back to us." Rey leaned forward for a kiss, and Kylo nearly gave in until he heard her think that damned name.

_Ben. You're almost home._

Rey now blinked up at Kylo, hands pinned above her head as he snarled at her. "No matter what my mother has told you, Ben is DEAD." His eyes were akin to those found in wounded animals- dark, fierce, aggrieved. He dropped her hands harshly, and she gasped, not realizing how hard his grip was. She bit her cheek to hold back any welling tears.

"Even if he was dead, Kylo, Ben is your beginning. You know your beginning. Be grateful, you Sith-shit!" Rey was on her feet, ready for fight or flight. She refused to be against the wall again. How dare he think that he was the wounded one, he who knew what his legacy was, where he came from.

"I had nothing, Ben. Nothing! Your mother defends you even now, and you are grateful to a man you never knew!"

Her cries were shrill, but accurate as they pierced her foe's soul. Kylo smiled cruelly at her, remembering now why they would never be more than enemies. He stalked towards her, pausing as she held up a hand.

"If you come near me, I will scream." Rey was intent on her promise, ready to spit at him again if need be as he circled her. Instead, he spoke.

"Jakku was cold at night. You didn't have anyone to keep you warm, to keep you safe when that scrap dealer left you alone again." His eyes cut into her, and she bared her teeth, daring him to keep delving.

"Ben was your father's pride and your mother's hope. He was so kind, taking care of the younger padawans at the academy." Kylo's eyes were now in slits, fingers digging into his palms as Rey threw this information at him, almost daring him to strike her.

Neither of them moved now. Both the knight of Ren and the young jedi glared at each other, internally scrambling to cover themselves, naked as they were in their thoughts.

"You never deserved to be in my bed." Rey moved past him, shaking with exhaustion from their previous activities and this fight she found herself engaged in. "You best leave now before I decide to wake the entire Base up. Tell them that the traitor is lose."

Kylo ignored how she used that term he only reserved for her friend. "You thought that you could have loved me once, don't you, Rey?"

"No." She threw his clothes at him, watched him as he struggled to pull them on and keep his eyes on her. Her mouth was set in the way that reminded him of his mother's business face. He scoffed at her, turning to leave.

"I could have loved Ben. Thought that I was falling for Ben. But I suppose you're right, Kylo Ren. He's dead. Just like this arrangement."

They both felt a twinge of regret. If only they hadn't asked those questions. He turned to go, felt her touch on his back.

Kylo looked back at Rey as she stared up at him, one last bit of mercy in her eyes. "Run. Run back to Snoke. There is nothing I can do for you here." She gestured, almost helplessly to him. "Steal a ship. Force a pilot to take you back. Leave."

Her voice was tiny as she choked out, "I never want to see you again."

 

And as he trudged away, gray prison garb blending into the night, Rey expected him to follow her advice. She thought he'd realize how hellish being around her anymore would be for the both of them.

It was because of this that, when passing by the holding cells on her way to lunch, Rey was surprised to see Kylo pacing his cell, face stormy and confused. She had to bite back a smile when the thought floated to her, perhaps from hope, perhaps from him.

_Ben convinced me to stay._


	5. Hallelujah

"Your judgment is tomorrow."

"I know." Kylo turned to the woman in the doorway. Leia Organa looked upon her son with sorrow, but with conviction befitting her position as general. She sighed as he looked away, her heartache dwelling heavily inside her as she continued the news.

"Between your uncle and I, we have managed to persuade them not to kill you. I can't do anything more for you." Kylo could hear the tears thick in his mother's throat, and he longed to reach out and hold her, try to comfort her for the trouble he had brought to her—but he knew that his darkness would not allow that. Instead, he nodded to her, voice quiet: "Thank you, General." He straightened, swallowing the lump in his throat and avoiding her gaze.

Leia shot forward, pulling her son into her arms. "First Order Commander or not, you are my son. Whether or not Ben is still in you, I am your mother." Kylo's arms wrapped awkwardly around his mother's soft frame, memories flooding back to him about his earlier years, when she'd swoop him up into her arms after coming back from the Senate, from meeting with other generals. He remembered her bitterly complaining to his father- his jaw clenched in guilt now- about how tall he was growing, that he was towering over her at only ten. _You are my son._

Leia felt his arms around her, and had to bite her tongue to keep from calling him Ben. Her little boy, once small and soft, was a man, scarred and sinewy- and scared. She had said as much to Luke before he stormed off to battle with the council for his nephew's life after she had exhausted herself in her attempts. She had repeated this again and again to anyone who would listen- to Finn, to Poe, to C-3PO, to Rey. Leia remembered now how Rey had paled, looking at her master over the general's shoulder.

Leia glanced up at Kylo, wondered if he realized that his enemy had taken off, sprinting through the halls, after promising to speak on his behalf. She wondered if Rey would win them over, make them decide on something more merciful than just living as a prisoner.

Leia felt her son release her, looking over her head at someone standing in the door way, panting heavily, having just run across the base to find the general.

"Rey." Kylo murmured, ignoring his mother's inquisitive glance between the two of them, picking something floating around the pair. Her cheeks were flushed, her breathing still uneasy, but the smile in her eyes and on her lips gleamed at him and his mother.

"You've been pardoned. As long as you remain on this base, you are a free man." Her words were rushed, and Kylo's heart seized up a little. She did this for him. Despite their row, despite the fact that he insisted that there was no chance at redeeming him, she had freed him.

She was either a saint or a fool.

Rey caught his eye as the general burst into tears of joy, pausing for a moment to let the older woman regain her composure. "There is a catch, of course. With your permission, General, he is to begin training again with Master Luke." Her gaze burned into his as she added, "And as I have informed the council of the Force bond between us, they have requested that he be placed under my supervision."

The two members of the Organa-Solo family felt their jaws drop in tandem, but Leia was the first to recover, nodding vigorously. "I give my approval, heartily, for both." She moved to the door, glee in her face, exclaiming, "I need to tell Luke!"

As his mother rushed out, Kylo studied Rey. She almost avoided his gaze, deciding against it, looking him full in the face. " I don't expect you to be grateful. I'd rather you not."

He nodded slowly. "You did this for Ben."

"I did it for him. And for Kylo." She crossed her arms, let him approach her. "You are one and yet two. I will wait, if need be." Rey smiled at him, reaching up to cup his face. "You need a teacher. I can show you the way of the Light."

"Don't you hate me? Aren't you angry?" Kylo was confused, dark eyes squinting at her, trying to figure her out.

"I still am. But..." Her hands slid over his arms, draping them around her, pulling herself closer. "I know what a waste it would be to lose you. Two Jedi are better than one... even if we have to reform you." She glared at him when he chuckled, a finger suddenly on his lips. "I'm serious, Kylo. I volunteered to supervise you for that reason."

Rey pulled away now, frowning. "As a part of that deal, you are to relocate to my quarters."

The realization that he was a free man, that he had a chance at life again, be it into the darkness or into the light, was just sinking into Kylo's mind, a smile cracking on his lips now. "Are you sure that you can resist me, Rey?"

She snorted at him, not answering him as she bit her lip, feeling his warmth on her back. "I'm sure that Master Luke wouldn't mind housing you." A smirk sprang to her face as his arms encircled her waist and he growled into her hair.

"No."

"Then behave, Kylo Ren, and we shall see what will come of this arrangement."

Touching her mind, Kylo could feel the joy, the relief she was hiding, and so he didn't hesitate to pull her in for a kiss, murmuring 'thank you' into her lips. Rey groaned as his kisses trailed lower, the sound seeming to echo more and more in the tiny cell as he sunk to his knees before her, showing his gratitude with his tongue on her heat.

"I shouldn't have let you do that." She murmured later, practically glowing as she lead him through the halls, ignoring the curious and stunned looks of her comrades. Kylo could only smirk, trying to ignore the little ray of light that was beginning to chip away at his heart.

"Thank you. Thank you."


	6. This is Gospel

A heavy dark rain had descended on the Resistance Base, effectively halting any and all ship preparations for the planned raid on the First Order. Master Luke had called off the day's training, encouraging Rey to enjoy a day off, and to relax. Instead, she found herself watching the rain, tension and a dark mood hovering over her.

 

She didn't much care for storms. After her vision, all those months ago, of Kylo hovering over her, blood and water vaporizing off his saber, she could only stand brief rain showers, not anything that could darken the sky to pitch, that could send needles of water shooting down to sting her skin. Rey cringed at the sound of thunder, shaking her head at herself before counting seconds between the next flash of lightning.

 

She hadn't seen Kylo today, despite living with him the past two weeks. It was still a major adjustment for them-- she wasn't used to sharing her space, especially anything past the bedroom. Yet, she couldn't deny that she did feel safe at the thought of Kylo next to her at meals, in bed, during training-- even though she knew that he could just as easily turn back to darkness and slit her throat one night. She knew there was light in him, and it had been shining especially bright since he had been freed, but she couldn't shake the feeling of being watched by a darkness that emanated still from within him.

 

Still, Rey was curious where he was, if he was meditating, or perhaps in another meeting with his mother and her advisers, giving up First Order information. He had begun to do so, albeit a bit reluctantly, a few days after becoming a free man. She remembered how he had wrestled with himself, against his anger, against his debt.

 

He must be wrestling with that now, she mused, a pain piercing behind her eyes, as it did when his emotions spilled into her side of their bond. Yet, as she found her knees buckling, Rey realized that it was more than that. Head in hands, she felt someone try to get a grip on Kylo's mind-- or was it her mind they desired, she wondered as she felt fingers, her own perhaps, snatch at her hair. Her mouth opened, but she didn't know if her scream was audible, though it was loud in her ears.

 

_Kylo...Kylo, what are you doing?!_

 

It was as if flames were licking up the base of her skull, melting the bone and exposing her brain to prying eyes. A deep rumble reverberated through her frame. Perhaps it had been thunder, perhaps someone laughing. She pushed against the pain, forcing herself to crawl from the window, dragging herself along blindly. There were burning tracks of tears sprinting down her cheeks, but she didn't care-- she wouldn't succumb.

 

“Snoke,” Rey whispered, an inhuman flash of rage lashing into her heart as realization ripped through her, as well as horror. She screamed at the presence,thrusting him away, wishing him gone. The next flash of lightning took him, and the last bit of her strength went with the resistance. She collapsed amid the thundering of footsteps, her eyes drooping shut as she thought of Kylo. _Snoke is close. Run._

 

* * *

 

Kylo was absentmindedly listening to the officials around him when his mind exploded. He was blind, seeing only scarlet waves behind his eyes, strangling out a moan. His vision cleared, as did his mind. Ignoring the curious, surprised gazes, he bolted for the door, out of the meeting, and down the hall.

 

_Rey. Snoke. That bastard is trying to get Rey._

 

His pace didn't slow as his blood quickened, heart drumming in his ears. He didn't have time to wonder how deeply he cared, or why he cared so deeply for her, knowing that he just did. He was looking for her across their bond, and his mind located her before his body did.

 

Rey was slumped in the bed between Poe and Finn when Kylo came into her room in the medical ward. He waved them to sit again, becoming frustrated at how quickly they had jumped to fight him, to defend her, as if he had done this. The three men said nothing to one another, unable to meet each others' eyes as she whimpered in her sleep, though she was restless. Kylo looked up as footsteps approached, Master Luke sweeping into the room, face grim.

 

“Snoke is involved.” Luke paused as Kylo blurted this, the older jedi's gaze hardening for a moment at his nephew. He felt the tremors of darkness that were attempting to advance upon Rey, but it seemed that she was still unconsciously resisting. It was a few moments more before he spoke, his voice sounding more exhausted than any of the men could have anticipated. “He reached her through you, Ben.” Poe and Finn stiffened, glancing at Kylo.

 

“Your force bond... though it has strengthened you, has brought you closer to the light.... it has weakened her.”

 

Kylo ignored his former name, swallowing hard and looking at Rey, her skin paler than the sheets, her loose hair looking so much darker in comparison. He swallowed again. “Can we break the bond?”

 

He loathed the suggestion-- the loss of her ability to know him, the very thought of it sickened him. Yet, he knew that she was hurting, being attacked because of him. He felt his chest tighten and the tension in him crackled and broke at the solemn faces around him. Luke shook his head.

 

“You consummated your bond-- made it tangible with your bodies. There is no way to break the bond, except with death.” The aging Jedi sighed, his shoulders slumping as he left the ward.

 

The dark haired Jedi was sure that Finn and Poe were more than willing to help break the bond, feeling anger brimming from their area of the room. He turned to the traitor and the pilot, expecting their rage, expecting brutality to seize their limbs so that they could beat him to a pulp. Their mouths were hard thin lines, and Finn was cradling his head.

 

Poe stalked forward, grabbing Kylo's shoulders and forcing him to lock eyes. “You are responsible. We will never forgive you if we lose Rey, especially if it's to that scum you call 'master'.”

 

“Snoke is not my master.” His words were spat, old fury brewing, but Poe scoffed, pushing the former First Order commander away. “Prove it., coward. No mask to hide behind now, yeah, but Rey won't hide you forever. You owe her your life. She is our only hope, and if we lose her, trust me, we will tear you apart.”

 

The pilot turned on his heel, heading to the door. Finn began to follow, looking at his former superior with unrecognizable emotion. His lips opened and Kylo waited for an insult.

 

“Come on, Finn.” The dark skinned man closed his mouth and turned to leave at his partner's impatience.

 

Kylo looked back at Rey, approaching her side. Kneeling, he took her hand. “I'm sorry. This is because of me. I didn't want this to happen. This isn't how I wanted to repay you.”

 

“She loves you.” His head snapped up to look at Finn, still in the doorway. “She told me about you, about your relationship. I hated you because of it.” He strode to the bedside, unable to face his friend as she laid, seemingly lifeless if not for her shallow breathing. “You've made her happy though. Given her depth. She said that she felt so flat before, that you filled her up, made her think. She hated you before, yeah, but she couldn't stop thinking about you.”

 

The two men were quiet. Kylo was stunned. This man had every reason to resent him, to want him dead, and yet he was here. Finn shuffled nervously, his smile sheepish. “Keep her safe, sir. That's all I ask.” He turned to leave again, hearing a mumble.

 

“My name... is Ben, Finn. Not 'sir'. Ben.”

 

Finn smiled broadly at the exhausted man who leaned against Rey's bed. “It's nice to meet you, Ben. Rey's told me so much about you.”

 


	7. Collar Full

Rey's wooden sword dully thumped against Kylo's as they sparred halfheartedly, their master watching from afar. Luke could tell that their minds were elsewhere. Rey's hazel eyes were glassy and far off in their gaze, as if amber had encased her soul and had frozen her movements. His nephew's dark eyes were rooted to his partner's face, his brow furrowed as he tried to find his place in her eyes.

 

Kylo was struggling not to drop his sword and surrender. Not because Rey was getting the better of him-- her movements were wooden, steps heavy as she parried his strokes. He understood that the first few days after she woke up would be hard. He had only wished that it wouldn't be the case for Rey.

 

She had woken up screaming. He had tried to hold her, calm her, stroking her face, smoothing her hair. She had jerked away from him as if his hands were fire, her eyes wild and searching his face as if expecting a dark storm to overtake her. A thought had entered his mind then, and it was enough to make him stalk away, taking his rage out on a training dummy, ripping it to shreds.

 

 _Maybe she doesn't remember. Maybe she's forgotten that I've changed._ He had been ready to tear out his heart and cast it aside when Finn approached him, face grim, news almost unbearable.

 

Rey did remember. Every kiss, every word, every night they had spent together.

 

She remembered that ebony fear that cloaked her mind, made her succumb, now as she looked across the oaken blades at Kylo. She pulled her glance away, retreating back into her mind, tried to focus herself. She didn't want to feel this way, not anymore. She felt as if she was still floating in the expanse of her mind, simply treading thoughts that she had nearly drowned in. Rey shuddered. Her coma had nearly killed her.

 

Kylo was expecting Rey's sudden sword swing, and he stumbled back, parrying it. She was swinging blindly, her face clouded, eyes soft and dark as her lashes became matted with tears. She wasn't here in the training room anymore, Kylo realized, defending himself, almost afraid. She's completely in her mind right now.

 

Her next move swiped at Kylo's legs, a movement that left him sprawling. He thanked the gods and his master that the swords were of wood, because her next move had fatal intentions. He closed his eye, waiting for the injury, looking up when it never came. Rey towered over him, her sword lowered, sobbing, trying regain control of herself. She hadn't meant it, and now, as her legs buckled and she joined her lover on the ground, she wasn't sure of herself anymore.

 

With an almost imperceptible nod to Kylo, Luke excused himself, unable to bear the sight of his padawan falling apart at the seams. He left the two students to consider each other. Kylo sat up slowly, looking at his source of light.

 

“Rey...” She flinched away at his voice, steeling herself after a moment. She knew he had questions. Who wouldn't, after their lover is revived, only to push them away, forsake their bed, resist their attempts at conversation, attack them in blind fear? Still, she sighed, turned back to him.

 

“What, Kylo?”

 

Her words were tinged with exhaustion that rolled off her in indigo waves. He resisted the urge to pull her close, or to peek into her mind, instead taking advantage of her response. “You've been shutting me out.”

 

“No.” She knew it was a lie, and that he knew it too.

 

“You have. You know it; I know it... even Finn knows.” There was a heavy sigh that pierced the air, and Rey wasn't sure if it had been from his mouth or hers. She said nothing, toying with her sword where it had landed in her lap as Kylo pushed on.

 

“I know you think I won't-- that I can't-- understand everything that happened when Snoke attacked, but I--”

 

“That's just it, Kylo. You won't understand. What happened with Snoke happened because my guard was down. Because I was focused on other things..”

 

“Because you were focused on me?” The words hung in the air between them, and Kylo felt an old anger flare as Rey swallowed back tears and nodded. “Snoke must have sensed my weakness. I... I can't slip from this path. Not now.”

 

“So you pushed me away. You thought I wouldn't understand and tried to block me out.” He was angry, and wounded, she could tell, but his words set her on edge.

 

“I'm trying to protect you!” Rey snapped, recoiling as Kylo hissed. “That's what he wants you to think! To do! Don't you see, Rey?” His head dropped to his hands, and she could barely hear him moan the words out between his gritted teeth: “That's how he got me.”

 

She met his eyes, seeing his grief before he lowered his face again. “When I was sent away to train...I had nightmares. I didn't know then that Snoke was sending them, that he'd use the fear to seduce me to his side, but...” He stopped, shook his head, grimaced.

 

“Every time I would fall asleep, someone I loved would die in my mind.” He looked at her evenly as he admitted, “I gave myself over to Snoke because it was the only way that I would stop seeing my mother and father die at my hands in my dreams. The only way that I would become strong enough to protect them-- and everyone else.” He laughed, the sound hollow. “And what did that get me? Nothing. Just a delusion.”

 

Rey felt her mind split between pity and grief for him, and fear for herself. “Snoke... sent you dreams too, didn't he?” She bit her lip at his question, nodded, seeing Kylo's fists clench tighter. She pushed herself forward, gingerly reaching out to him.

 

She hadn't expected this surge of happiness, of guilt, of fear, of love, as he received her, arms wrapping around her as if she hadn't locked him out, as if she had never been afraid.

 

“I missed you.” It was a gentle murmur, nearly hidden in her hair, but it was enough to make fresh tears spring to her eyes.

 

“I know.” Kylo pulled her tighter to him, his large frame protective around her. She could feel his mind humming with activity, trying to find a way to ensure her safety. Rey shook her head at him, pulling him down to her face. “I'm fine now, Kylo. Don't worry... not about him.”

 

He raised an eyebrow at her, saying nothing as she pulled him into a kiss. He felt her shudder as their lips touched, could feel the pain that flitted through her as dreams resurfaced, and even he flinched as he saw himself die through her eyes. Still, he didn't pull away. Finn was right-- she loved him. Kylo knew that the part of him that was still Ben Solo was more than in love with this little Jedi in his arms, and he had to agree with the side he still was accepting as himself.

 

He wouldn't be swayed away from her. The Resistance couldn't lose her, not now. He wouldn't lose her, not now that he had her.

 

Not now that Ben needed her to survive.

 

It was for the sake of Ben-- himself, he corrected in his head-- that Kylo remained awake that night, soothing Rey and coaxing her to sleep, anger building towards his former master. He looked to his lover, who was curled around him, hanging onto him as if she would die without his touch. Rey was his now, and he wished the darkness surrounding her would recede now that she had returned to him.

 

He could only hope that she would stay.

 

 


	8. The End of All Things

She wasn't sure where she was, though it seemed that her legs didn't particularly care. Rey found herself surrounded by trees, wondered how long she had been walking, why she was walking. She was supposed to be training.

 

She was supposed to be with Kylo.

 

Still, she pulled her coat tighter to her, breath clouding as soon as it left her mouth. It had been better, these last few weeks. Kylo had pulled her back, kept her sane. Stayed awake nights on end, rubbing her back, cooing in her ear, making love to her. Anything to keep her mind focused on something. Still, there was moments of static in her head, when she'd try to focus, and then find herself tearing something apart later, not remembering when she walked to the practice room, or perhaps even her closet. Just this morning, she had ripped apart her jedi robes, the ones that Master Luke just gave her days before.

 

When Kylo had found her, scraps of fabric in her hands, at her feet, he had lead her out of the compound, to the woods surrounding the base. She hadn't been outside in a while, and she was grateful for the air, gulping it greedily as he kept his eyes fastened on her. They had set to sparring, and Rey had quickly picked back up, snapping out of her clouded mind, and besting him over and over again.

 

Finn had joined them at one point, and that was possibly the last thing she remembered up until now, she realized. Looking about, she knew that she was deeper than she had ever been before, and she was ready to turn back. But there was a clearing ahead, and her legs pushed her forward, as if a rope had been tied to her waist and she was being yanked. Rey tried to reason with her limbs, and she was able to get a half step backwards before a force flung her to her feet.

 

She gasped, the fall knocking the wind out of her. Her movements were shaky, and as she hoisted herself up, her eyes came to rest on a pair of feet. Then another, and another. All of them clad in white, all surrounding her. Rey remained low for a moment longer, and the Stormtroopers thought that perhaps she would come quietly.

 

Then she lunged up, saber flaring and then slicing cleanly through the first stormtrooper who stepped forward. There was a pang for guilt that was quickly pushed aside. She opened her mind as she swung again, low this time, swiping off the leg of the next soldier who approached. Rey knew she didn't have much time to touch Kylo's mind, that if these soldiers were here, that Snoke had ordered it so, and so she only screamed.

 

A long, drawn out wail pitched itself against Kylo's mind, his strides becoming longer as the urge to run faster seized his veins. Running behind him was Finn, who was calling out without thought, only fear: “REY!”

 

They weren't sure what had happened. Kylo had turned to greet Finn, and when he turned back, Rey was gone, deep into the woods. Of course they had followed her, attempted to keep up, but she had seemed deaf to their calls, and she only kept going, not stopping, not looking back. There was a sickening feeling in Kylo's stomach, but when he turned back to look at Finn, once again, she evaded them. Now there were only her screams, and they seemed to bounce, echoing, and Kylo worried he was going mad. “Ben!” Finn had finally caught up, and he was pointing, finger aimed at a clearing. “There!”

 

They were only seconds late, Kylo was sure, but no matter: the fight was over. The newly falling snow was slowly overtaking the blood stains on the ground, and Kylo realized that Rey was no longer screaming. Instead, there was the shrieking of air as a ship lowered, intent on picking up one of the bodies that laid in the clearing. Rey looked up, saw the black shape descend. Blood stung her lips as she opened her mouth, let out one last piercing shriek. It was enough to have Finn and Kylo bolt forward, but they both held each other back, torn between a rescue attempt or being captured.

 

But then Kylo made his decision, and he lunged out of Finn's grasp, flinging himself forward towards the fallen Jedi. He searched her mind, realized that she was only wounded, not dying. A stormtrooper had attacked her from behind when she had been locked in a struggle with two other soldiers, and so she had toppled, her saber thrown aside.

 

He didn't make it close enough. A figure emerged from the ship, and by the sharp glare of silver, he had to assume that it Phasma. He debated calling out, reasoning with his former comrade, but then his head was on fire, her boot having kicked him away while he had thought.

 

Kylo saw the captain scoop up Rey, not totally unlike his action the first day he had met his lover. Behind the mask, he could swear that a smirk was curled on her lips, that she was doing this out of spite. As if hearing his thoughts, Phasma shook her head, striding away, up into the ship, newly minted prisoner in her arms.

 

“Nothing personal, Ren. Your master has decided to take another disciple.” She paused, thought a second longer, as the door began to close, and she saw the hatred in his eyes, despite the blood caking his forehead. As the ship lifted, she felt a nudge on her mind, decided to let him in. Perhaps he was offering to come back.

 

His projected rage blew her back into the hull, her grip on the girl loosening. She was transfixed, her head pounding as if someone was trying to chisel their way into her soul. _Tell Snoke I'm coming. He'll regret this. Tell him that Ben Solo sends his regards._ With that, her helmet came off, and Phasma, for the first time in her long career, was afraid as the hiss receded. She looked at the unconscious girl, wondered what Kylo Ren would do for the scavenger. She shuddered, scrambling for her helmet, resolving never to open her mind again.

 


	9. Let's Kill Tonight

There was no time to pay attention to himself. This is the one thing that Kylo had decided on as he stormed through the halls of the base, ignoring Finn yelling at him to come back, back to the medical ward, to get stitched up. There was no need for the attention, the former dark force user decided, knowing that the blood was drying, that it was stopping up the wound. He didn’t care how absolutely feral he looked: blood matting his dark hair, his skin pallid but flecked with dirt, his eyes shrieking for his revenge.

The door before him flew open, Kylo not realizing that he had flicked his wrist, bid the metal to spring apart from the doorframe, allowing entry. He swept into the room, interrupting a councilman who stood, reading the minutes of the previous meeting. All eyes were on him, and he could feel his mother’s presence, his uncle’s energy. Even the pilot and Chewbacca were giving off a signature in the force, and the wrathful Jedi briefly wondered if his emotion was heightening his abilities.

“They took Rey.”

One sentence, and that was all it took to throw the room into an uproar. Kylo’s eyes found his mother, who had frozen, as if in carbonite, beside her brother, who was bemoaning his dulled senses, regret etching into his limbs.

Leia stood, making her way down to the podium that the councilman had just vacated. She looked at her son evenly, fearful for a moment that he was at fault, that her trust had been misplaced. Then his enraged mask broke, and he stood before the seated crowd, shoulders slumped, unable to turn to see Finn run into the room. The general gripped the podium, managed to whisper: “When did they take her?”

“Just now. Snoke was probably bidding her… she couldn’t resist. She wasn’t strong enough to resist.” Poe, from his seat, could feel the helplessness of the former Stormtrooper as he choked out the words. He glanced at Kylo, saw the darkness perching itself on his brow, the guilt in his eyes. As much as he wanted to hate the former First Order commander, he knew that he couldn’t. Not now that he could see how much Rey was to him.

“We need to go after her.” Kylo’s head snapped up to look at Poe, surprised when the pilot made his way down to the center of the room, clapping a hand down on his shoulder. “Will you lead the rescue?”

“I need a pilot.” The words were blurted out, and Poe cracked a small smile at the stunned man. “You have a pilot. But we need a leader. You know the First Order. You’re our only hope to get her back.”

There was an outcry from a few of the councilmen, one of them screaming, “He’s a traitor! This was his plan all along, and you’re being taken in! Kylo Ren is…”

“No more.” The councilman fell silent, his accusation hanging in the air as Leia stalked towards him. “If you would like to accuse my pardoned son of treason yet again, in front of me, I suggest you watch your tongue. He is the only way that we will get Rey back. There’s light in him.” She turned to look her son in the eye. “I know it.”

Kylo felt his chest tighten, pushing gratitude aside for a moment. “We need volunteers for the mission. At least four, beside myself, and then we need support. If we expect to get Rey back, we should expect a fight.” He swallowed, continuing. “They won’t give her up, and we need to be prepared to take down Snoke.”

He faced all those who doubted him, those who stood behind him in support, his deep voice growing louder, booming in the room. “This ends tonight. Snoke thinks he can steal Rey’s light. Even if he does, we can restore her!”

He looked at his mother, smiled. “I was able to be restored. Now it is my turn to pay my debts. Who will follow me?” Kylo saw the hands of many lift, pledging their help.

Poe. Finn. Chewbacca. Jessica Pava. His uncle. His mother. A crushing multitude of officials. Even the councilmen, albeit reluctantly. Very reluctantly, Kylo decided, as the same official who had just accused him of treason pouted, muttering “We’re following Kylo Ren to our deaths.”

“You’re following Ben Solo.” Kylo corrected him, not missing the tears that were biting his mother’s cheeks, her smile creeping at the edges of her mouth. He felt a surge of pride in his name, _his name,_ as he gestured at his father’s copilot. “Chewie, will you fly the Falcon?”

The Wookie let out a roar, and Ben smiled, nodding in agreement to the question. “Yes, I’ll be your copilot.” Poe, Finn and Jessica were already surging to stand at his side, having picked themselves for the main search and retrieval mission.

Ben felt a flash of pain flit across his temples, knowing that it was Rey’s sensation that he just felt. He tried to push the message across, following his team out of the room, preparing himself for the task ahead.

_We’re coming, Rey. I promise._

 


	10. House of Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the accidental hiatus. Final papers have made me their slave, and currently I'm trying to satisfy my more creative urges via my stories. I hope my new updates make up for my absence!!

Rey wasn’t sure how long she had been here for.

She stared blankly ahead, eyes fastened on the red hair of General Hux as he paced before her. There was a faint memory of a color like that, a glow caught between scarlet and gold, but whatever it belonged to, she couldn’t place it. The dark sleeves of her robe scratched her skin, her limbs so used to a softness that the First Order could never possess, but she didn’t flinch. Rey knew that to do such a small movement would be ungrateful, and she didn’t want to be seen as that. Not by Supreme Leader Snoke.

The girl frowned, brows knitting together as she tried to reach back to her time before now, but after Jakku. There was some block in her head, a wall that forced her back when she tried to access it. She felt that something was hiding from her, that her arrival here on the Finalizer and her subsequent installation as the primary Force user was sewn shut with lies. Still, she smoothed her face, ignored what sounded like gentle breathing in her ear, wondering why she could hear a man’s voice despite the general remaining silent.

Somehow, it didn’t go away, only creeping closer, until it practically cradled her head. Rey welcomed it—it was a gentler touch than Snoke used on her. She shrank away from that realization, especially as the gentle force darkened for a moment, as if in anger. There was a whisper, as if lips were pressed to the shell of her ear, and she practically shivered at the sensation. _Rey. Let me in. I’m trying to find you, sweetheart._

She suddenly felt unsure of herself. Perhaps this was a test from the Supreme Leader. Perhaps she was going mad. But the voice urged her sweetly, if not pleadingly, to please, let him in. She took a breath, and opened her mind. Rey knew that if the Supreme Leader sensed this disobedience that she would be punished, but she was too curious. Too scared and too aware of what Snoke had planned for her power. She would choose something for her own sake, not for survival. Just this once.

A thrill jolted through her as the presence flooded her. Rey swore she saw the Finalizer’s exterior, and she nodded, encouraging him, whoever he was. _Here. I’m here._ She was awarded with another burst of exuberance. An alarm sounded, and there was a cry from below, but she didn’t care.

Someone was finally coming back for her.

 

 

Her presence here disconcerted him. Hux knew that to say so would anger the Supreme Leader, but still, just a mere glance at the former scavenger put him on guard. Perhaps it was because he knew that if not for the control Snoke had over her, Rey would have slaughtered anyone who tried to harm her. Perhaps it was because Phasma, after a week of avoiding Hux’s questions, confessed to the general that Kylo Ren was coming for her, that he was ready to topple the regime just for this girl.

Somehow, Hux wasn’t surprised by this. If anything, he was only surprised that it had been a week and still, Ren hadn’t found his lover. They knew he was looking. The First Order were not ones to let the Resistance fly about without engaging them, but these past few days, they had. They couldn’t risk a confrontation, lest the ship be stormed. Snoke had lost one Force user that way, and Hux frankly didn’t want to experience the Supreme Leader’s wrath if they lost another one.

 Still, the general had expected the force bond—or whatever Snoke had declared it was—to connect the two, despite the circumstances. Perhaps it helped that Snoke kept Rey close, grooming her, training her, preparing her for the day that the traitor came back. Still, the general found it unsettling that all that had to be done to the girl to make her submit was to wipe her memories. The Supreme Leader had considered breaking her, torturing her within an inch until she accepted his proposal, his show of “mercy.” Ultimately though, Hux believed that Snoke decided against it only so that, if Rey were to hesitate when faced with Ren, he would have a way to punish her.

Hux didn’t care much for Force users, but somehow, that form of logic made his hair stand on end. He, who had ordered the death of an entire planet system, would jolt awake at the sound of a lightsaber, let alone a whimper, now that Rey was on the ship. There was a fear in his bones of being decapitated by Ren, so he always calmed when he would learn that it was only Rey practicing late at night. And yet, he couldn’t stay calm at all.

He glanced at her again, and found her hazel eyes on him. She was paler now, her face thin from her restricted diet and lack of sleep. Her hair, which he had first seen in three buns, now fell loosely at her shoulders. He supposed that he was glad that it wasn’t falling out, that it was only wild, like the light in her eyes. She was scared, but she wasn’t sure of what. Still, Rey stood there, solemn, waiting for Hux to possibly address her as the ship hummed with activity around them. Despite her stoic nature and her seeming lack of explosive temper, the crew and Stormtroopers kept out of her way. They knew of her, but the general didn’t know if they were afraid of her or her lover, wherever he was. Perhaps he didn’t have to wonder though.

The ship lurched, and there was a call from below, then an alarm. Hux turned to the bridge, called back at the officer who stood there, grimacing. “We’re being boarded! We didn’t catch them on our scanners, but it’s the Resistance.” The general was perplexed for a moment, turning to look at Rey. He saw the slight smile on her lips, her eyes almost dreamy, and he couldn’t hold back a curse. Ren had found them.

“Put the shields up before more vessels can board!” He barked, his frustration getting the better of him. Hux stalked away, grabbing Rey’s arm and pulling her along. He needed to get her to Snoke, before Kylo got to her. He groaned internally, hoping that Ren didn’t intercept them, knowing that decapitation was assured if he did. The general gritted his teeth and urged himself forward.


	11. Emperor's New Clothes

Kylo moved quietly, making his way down one of the many corridors he still knew. Though he knew that time was of the essence, that Pava and Dameron were firing at the Finalizer with all they had, (the ship trembled now with a particular brutal volley of shots), he took his time. His stomach was clenched and it wasn’t until he stepped fully into the next hallway did Kylo pinpoint the emotion. Fear, and tinge of hope.

 He hadn’t expected her to help them find her, having been under Snoke’s control before. As he went along, back to the wall, trying to keep his focus forward, he thought back to his first days with Snoke. A shudder raked his frame, and he had to grip his saber tightly to anchor himself as deep buried pain surfaced again. His body had been sculpted with torture and training. He’d be a fool to expect that Snoke had treated Rey any different, especially now, when her action could be seen as betrayal. _Snoke may kill her._ The thought nearly paralyzed him, anger welling in his gut and causing bile to coat his tongue.

He needed to find her _now_.

It had been difficult, the past few weeks. There was still doubt among the Resistance officials about Kylo’s motivation, about his honesty. He had had to fight to keep the search party from being disbanded. But it must have been harder for Rey, being alone. There was a splinter of fear working its way into the back of his skull, a nagging thought that he didn’t want to consider.

_What if Snoke took her memories away?_ With Kylo, it had not been necessary: the anger and resentment, carefully crafted from a boy’s insecurity and fear, had been enough to turn him away from his family. Rey didn’t have that, didn’t have fear or hate towards the Resistance. Only gratitude and family, and so that would have had to be erased.

Kylo grunted in distaste as he rounded a corner, hoping for the best. He knew he was close, could feel Snoke’s presence just down this hallway. There was another presence, and though it was warped, he knew it had to be Rey’s. His faltering steps became more determined as he followed the signature, his focus almost having deadly consequences.

The blaster bolt seemingly came out of nowhere, and Kylo found himself blocking the shot with his saber. His arm leapt up as he summoned whoever had the audacity to attack him, and a slim figure came barreling out of the shadows, stopping midair in front of the force user.

Hux glared back at his former comrade who now held him at arm’s length, as if he was a piece of trash. Though he was at a major disadvantage, the general couldn’t help but smirk at Ren, the expression irking the Jedi.

“Where’s Rey? Where did you take her?” At this, Hux threw his head back with laughter. “You really have to ask that? I suppose the Supreme Leader truly did overestimate your abilities.” Kylo followed his captive’s motion as he jerked his head back, to the door further down the hallway.

“Remember your time in there, Ren?” Kylo slowly turned his gaze back to Hux, who smiled thinly, his eyes glinting with a smug pride that would kill him one day. “Your little scavenger is being _conditioned_ , Ren.” The barking laugh from the general’s throat began grating at Kylo’s nerves, and he felt his hand closing ever so slightly.

If Hux felt the pressure on his neck, he didn’t admit it. Not a grimace; if anything, his laughter was louder, like a howl. “Conditioned to kill you! Isn’t that a shame, Ren?” The general coughed now, the force starting to crush his neck, but still, he furthered his taunts.

“You never could control her, and now… she’s going to kill you.” Hux settled back now, content, his smile widening as the air was punctured sharply with a scream, the high pitched wail nearly drowning out the primal instinct behind it.

Kylo suddenly found himself closing his fist, clutching it tightly. There was no outburst, no frenzied rage, as Hux expected. He felt the air drain from his lungs, his systems collapsing, and he could only stare at the dark quiet eyes before him.

 

The heavy corpse collapsing before him, Kylo stepped forward, taking a moment to consider his former colleague. “We’ll see, Hux.” He murmured quietly, lifting his eyes to the door. The screaming had stopped, and a death rattle was heard, loud, despite the heavy door. The door opened slowly. There was panting, and Kylo all but fell to his knees as Rey staggered forward, clutching a saber, now unlit.

“Rey.” Her name flew from his lips before he realized that she was dripping with blood, her ebony garment soaked at the sleeves, her face smeared with it. The scent of cauterized flesh filtered into the hallway, the smell like burnt leather, and he realized what she had done.

He was on his feet in moments, his saber ready, as Rey took a step forward, reaching out to him. Kylo heard something break, somewhere in his head.  Rey’s eyes, widened in the moment, were now slits, and suddenly she was lunging at him, face contorted, blade drawn and flaming, intent on goring him where he stood.


	12. Victorious

Rey thrashed blindly, her saber whizzing as it sliced the air, seeking its final target. She didn’t know this man in front of her, his dark brown eyes begging her to reconsider; she only knew that there was fear leading her forward. There was no time to flinch, not even as her sleeves pooled at her elbows, coating her paling arms with blood. She had only one goal: to be free of the pain that she endured minutes before, that continued to char at her soul.

She only remembered snatches of the moments before her agony. Hux leading her away from the bridge, a joy, a hopeful thought biting at her heels. Being locked into the room with Supreme Leader. A sudden fierce grip on her hair, a yank that took her to her knees, and suddenly the upwards jerk of her chin to meet the insect like eyes of Snoke. A scream—probably hers, had to be hers—igniting the space around her as fingers clamped themselves to her temples, her mind being pried open and lit aflame with hatred.

Yes, Snoke had driven her mad. Despite the fog that persisted still, Rey found that she could still use her saber, cupped it protectively to her as she knelt before her master. He didn’t expect the blade to slice cleanly through his abdomen, hadn’t expected to fall to his apprentice’s level, to see the animalistic look as she ran him through, again and again.

Yes, Snoke was dead, and she was mad. And this… this man in front of her, looking at her like he knew her. Tears snapped at her cheeks, left burning tracks on her face as she charged at him. This man would die next.

The red blade leapt from his hilt much too quickly for her liking, and suddenly they clashed. With each wild swing of her sword, she saw him parry the strokes, the crashes almost deafening despite the heavy gunfire bombarding the Finalizer. The tears were thicker now, and she almost couldn’t see. She didn’t understand the look in his eyes, how he looked at her in almost pity, as if he was ready to sob with her. There was a shard of recognition trying to work its way to the forefront of her mind, and she struggled with the temptation of welcoming it or pushing it back.

Her saber flying from her hand almost decided it for her, but once disarmed, her hands went up in fists. Rey bared her teeth, expected the man before her to take even just a step back. But instead, he took her head in his hands, and it was her trying to take a step back.

She hadn’t expected this, expected him to try to hurt her, to swing his saber and end her there. She had almost wished it, the sorrow and pain that had swirled itself into her shield being too much. Rey met the man’s gaze before closing her eyes, resigned to whatever torture he had in store for her. Instead, he cradled her head, perhaps even kissed her brow.

There was a streak of light behind her eyelids, and she waited for her head to implode. She could feel his concentration, wondered where she had felt his presence before. With every passing second, his scent became more and more familiar, as if it had stained her memory and seeped into her consciousness. Rey was aware of how warm his hands were, and suddenly felt a rush as he brushed a stray hair from her face, as if to help her focus, not him. She opened her eyes now, now rewarded with the sight of a man who, despite her memory failing her now, would protect her. Had protected her. A man who would love her and let her go as she needed him to. She wasn’t sure how she remembered, but as she gingerly lifted a hand out to touch him, the name slipped out, unbidden, but not unwelcomed.

“Ben.”

“Rey…” He only whispered it, but it blew her mind apart, cracking the fogged glass coating her memories. Kylo held his breath as she convulsed in his arms, catching her as she collapsed in a faint. The ever increasing tremors around them had him spinning around, clasping her to his chest as he ran. He’d try to heal her when they were safe. He owed her that much, having been spared her blade.

 

Finn had been the one to find the pair, urging Kylo forward and into the Millennium Falcon. Kylo looked back at his one-time home, one- time personal hell before they leapt into lightspeed. There should have been satisfaction in knowing that Snoke was dead, and the First Order all but destroyed. He didn’t find it though, glancing at the unconscious girl in his arms.

 Kylo cradled Rey closer, wondered if she would remember them when they returned to Base. His lips met her brow again, and she moaned lightly in her sleep, a faint smile cracking on her lips. Finally feeling the weight of the day on him, Kylo succumbed to exhaustion, a grateful sigh leaving his mouth.

He had his Rey back.


	13. New Perspective

The halls looked different to Rey nowadays. She would find herself walking up and down them, trying to remember if she ever went through this door, looked out that window. Her days allowed it now, despite it being six months since she had been rescued. She couldn’t say that she minded though, pausing at the window, glancing at her reflection.

There were a lot of things that had changed about her since coming home. For one, she couldn’t stand to put her hair up anymore, leaving it to pool down around her shoulders. Her face was thinner, and her eyes would never be rid of the bruise like bags underneath them. She jolted, hearing footsteps behind her, hands flying instinctually to her waist for her saber, being greeted by a pistol instead. She kept forgetting that she walked away from Jedi training, that she had accepted a role as Leia’s adviser.

Rey was the first to admit that she wasn’t used to paperwork, but the general was patient, and oftentimes would bring Rey with her on trips away from the Base. That aspect of the job still made Ben anxious, but he had to concede that he couldn’t complain. It had been his idea to give Rey this role after she came back, after she recovered.

The footsteps behind her halted, and she turned to greet what hadn’t changed since her recovery. Poe and Finn stood a few paces back, out of breath but smiling. Despite knowing her habit of wandering, the two would still run around the Base until they found her. It was just something that was normal now, after the rescue.

Many things had changed since she came back. Poe had become second in command on Base, and Finn had moved in with him about a month after Rey’s return. She smiled at the pair, cocking an eyebrow. “Is the general ready to leave?” Despite being second in command, Poe treated himself like a glorified errand boy, often doing tasks that could’ve easily been delegated. Finn had chided him multiple times, and each time, he got a shrug as a reply, much like the shrug she was getting now. “She probably won’t be ready for another hour—she got stuck in another meeting.” A teasing grin broke across his face, his eyebrows waggling suggestively. “Ben’s looking for you though.”

She crinkled her nose at him, but smiled all the same, closing her eyes for a moment before sprinting off. Rey could guess where Ben—formerly Kylo—was at any point in the day. She had practically clung to him upon return, not leaving his side for the first month. He wouldn’t have had it any other way, though they were cautious of each other at first. Still were, but they had learned to adapt. She’d push him away at times, close her mind to him, especially the first few days. He had endured, standing by during her daily visits to the medical ward, holding her hand when she announced to Luke that she was stepping away from the Jedi lifestyle. Ben had almost renounced his training with her, but she had insisted for him to stay on, now that new Force sensitive children were being brought to Base.

Rey rounded a corner and nearly collided with her partner, forehead stopping mere inches from the front of his roughly hewn robes. He closed the gap, cradling her head to his shoulder, a position the two always fell into when together. It had become routine within the first nights back, when Rey turned up at Kylo’s door, almost unexpected, given the events that transpired between them. In his arms, she had wept, had attempted to come to terms with what she had done, what she had almost done.

She still wrestled with it, being forced to relive those moments. Just a few nights ago, Ben had to gently disarm her at dinner while she suffered from another flashback of Snoke’s death. Rey was grateful for his understanding. Of everyone on Base, only he could ease and comfort her; only she could calm and soothe him, especially when his nightmares would return. However, it was what made separation that much harder, a fact that Rey remembered as Ben kissed her forehead, muttering, “I hear my mother has another trip for you.”

“Mhm. We talked about this last night. We should be leaving in the next hour.” She glanced up at him, saw his smirk. Her cheeks pinked as images floated into her mind, and she slapped him lightly. “I don’t think we have enough time for that.”

He rolled his eyes at her, his face becoming solemn. “When are you coming back?”

Rey sighed. This was the hardest part about leaving for them, but she attempted to shrug it off. “That’s a better question for your mother.” He buried his face in her hair, his sullen harrumph making her lips curl in a little smile. Ben looked back at her, eyes intense, but a smile tugging at his mouth as well. “Come back in one piece, okay?”

She didn’t answer him immediately, tracing his lips with a finger before pulling him close, kissing him sweetly. “Always.”

True, not everything was perfect. There still would be instances when they would bicker, when she would doubt her memories and mind. There would be moments when his old frustration would flare up and he’d have to spend a day away, leaving her alone, but not lonely. Rey looked up at Ben and thanked the Force yet another time. The past year had been impossible, but still they found themselves in the Light. They had changed, been shaped by love and fear, but they were alive.

She brushed the tears away and looked up with a smile. They were going to be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this fic! It means so much to me, and I hope you enjoyed it. (Kylo and Rey deserved a happy ending, so here we are.) Thank you so much again! Happy Reading!


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